While I was driving home tonight, this song came on the Fish.
Like any song that is meant to speak to us, one line stood out to me more than any other. I know this song. I know most of the lyrics, and I sing along every time. I actually quite like the song. This line has never meant anything, nor am I sure that I knew this line before tonight, but when I heard it, it struck a cord.
"Let hope arise and make the darkness hide. My faith is dead, I need a resurrection somehow. Now I'm lost in Your freedom and this world I'll overcome"
"My faith is dead, I need a resurrection somehow"
"My faith is dead."
Cord struck. Ouch.
How easy it is to get wrapped up in the everyday trappings of this life. Wake up, get ready, go to school, go to work, do some homework, go to sleep, then wake up to do it all over again. Then comes that time when you wake up late one morning and forget to say morning prayer because you're in a panicked rush, and before you know it, morning prayer is no longer a part of your morning ritual. Then you have a super long day and you can't wait to lie down in bed and knock out. You're just SO tired that you think your bedtime prayer can wait until morning, after all, God will understand that you're too tired. Even the Apostles fell asleep on Christ, right? Then before you know it, you stop praying before going to sleep.
These little things keep on building up and building up until you end up forgetting how to pray completely. And it's hard to sit in church and focus without prayer. All of a sudden, Mass loses all the meaning it had to you before and you start drifting off, thinking about other things, completely irrelevant things, maybe even sinful things, when you should be focusing 100% on the Eucharist before you. Mass without its meaning becomes unimportant and suddenly you start finding reasons why not to go to church, and when you do... You become a prime example for going through the motions.
And without prayer and Mass, sin becomes so easy, and sometimes it even seems harmless. Once you lose prayer and church and that fire that kept you going for so long, sin is there waiting to take over your life and show you the path straight to Hell. Where there was once a burning passion for my God, there is now a shadow created by the darkness of my sin.
How on earth did I fall this far?
When you fall, you don't notice until you're too deep in to just brush off your scraped knees. You're so deep in that you end up having to claw and fight your way out of the quicksand that the Devil has so cleverly got you trapped in. And the worst part is, when I realized that I fell, I was too exhausted from the fall to try to get back up. Sure I've prayed every blue moon to God to bring me back to Him and to pick me up and reignite my fire, but I didn't do anything about it. I've been sitting here, wallowing in my self-pity that I'm in the dark, asking God to pull me out of it, but I haven't done a single darned thing about it. Asking God to help me is all great and dandy, and it's exactly what we're supposed to do, but how can we expect for Him to guide us towards the light, when our backs are to Him? How did I ever expect Him to fix anything, when I was barely trying to get out and actively working on digging myself a deeper hole?
But the good news is that I have absolutely zero doubt that once I turn around and start actively trying to get out of this pit I'm in, God will be right there to pull me out, brush me off, and bring me back to His Path. And there's no better time for me to start the fight than now. It's during these forty days of Lent that we are all supposed to be growing closer to Christ as we get closer to His Resurrection.
Today's Mass Psalm reading even kind of ties in with it.
Psalm 34:5-7 I sought the Lord, who answered me, delivered me from all my fears. Look to God that you may be radiant with joy and your faces may not blush for shame. In my misfortune I called, the Lord heard and saved me from all distress.
Psalm 34:19 The Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and saves those whose spirit is crushed
In my misfortune I am calling, and I have faith and trust in the Lord, that He will hear me and save me from this distress. All the parts of my life that I now find lacking, I know will all fall back together again, in an enriching and fulfilling way as I turn towards God. No more will I have my back turned against Him, because I want, I desperately want and need that radiant joy that comes from knowing Him and walking in His paths. It's deliverance time. I'm ready to repent, and turn myself over to God once again, to be saved and loved. No more shall I be broken-hearted and crushed, because I'm turning myself over for a true spiritual makeover.
And I'm changing the empty prayer I've been saying for so long now... I am no longer praying to have the faith life I once had again; I'm praying to have an even better and stronger faith life.
So come shake the ground with the sound of revival, because I'm ready to be on fire for God again and overcome this world!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
College Problems
College. Ugh. It's a love-hate relationship.
First off, I LOVE going to school and learning. It's great. There is all this endless knowledge in the world that I want and need to fit into my tiny little head.
The unfortunate part(s) is the lack of sleep and social interaction prevalent in my life, and homework. That's the hate part of the relationship. And the real reason I don't like homework is because of the first reason, because otherwise, I would love to sit at home all day with my books and read my homework assignments (only now that I'm in all Political Science classes and all we have to do is read, I'm not so sure I'd be saying the same thing if I had a math class this semester and had homework that involved an entire sheet of paper for one calculus problem..).
Then there's work. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my job and what I do. I've had six different jobs and I can tell you hands-down, Chick-fil-A is my favorite place to work. That's probably what makes this crazy schedules life of mine so bearable, the fact that I actually do like school and my job.
Point is, I'm an idiot. And because I'm an idiot, I signed up for an 8am class this semester, knowing that I don't get home from work until 11 30ish and I never go to sleep until way past the next day into 1 or 2am (as you can tell by last night's blog post).
I need to wake up an hour and a half to two hours before my first class, because that's how long it takes me to roll out of bed, check my e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and texts (not necessarily in that order), get dressed (usually twice, cause I don't like something with the first outfit), go through my morning beautification/health process which involves my face and lots of soaps and toners and whatnot, apply make up, check Facebook and Twitter again, grab my bag, laptop, and purse, and run out the door, barely making it to class on time.
So of course, after going to sleep at 2am last night, I overslept this morning and I missed my 8am class.... again. For probably the 4th time. Again.
It really is unfortunate because I really like that professor and class and he's really funny. Once I get into class, it's not hard to stay awake at all, but getting to class has been a serious issue for me. I'm used to straight 9 30am classes across the board, and those are even challenging for me to get to on time.
It's a shame, but the class has been dropped this morning ): I can't have that nasty participation part of the grade (which is usually my best part, because I talk.. A LOT) bring my grade and GPA down.
First off, I LOVE going to school and learning. It's great. There is all this endless knowledge in the world that I want and need to fit into my tiny little head.
The unfortunate part(s) is the lack of sleep and social interaction prevalent in my life, and homework. That's the hate part of the relationship. And the real reason I don't like homework is because of the first reason, because otherwise, I would love to sit at home all day with my books and read my homework assignments (only now that I'm in all Political Science classes and all we have to do is read, I'm not so sure I'd be saying the same thing if I had a math class this semester and had homework that involved an entire sheet of paper for one calculus problem..).
Then there's work. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my job and what I do. I've had six different jobs and I can tell you hands-down, Chick-fil-A is my favorite place to work. That's probably what makes this crazy schedules life of mine so bearable, the fact that I actually do like school and my job.
Point is, I'm an idiot. And because I'm an idiot, I signed up for an 8am class this semester, knowing that I don't get home from work until 11 30ish and I never go to sleep until way past the next day into 1 or 2am (as you can tell by last night's blog post).
I need to wake up an hour and a half to two hours before my first class, because that's how long it takes me to roll out of bed, check my e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and texts (not necessarily in that order), get dressed (usually twice, cause I don't like something with the first outfit), go through my morning beautification/health process which involves my face and lots of soaps and toners and whatnot, apply make up, check Facebook and Twitter again, grab my bag, laptop, and purse, and run out the door, barely making it to class on time.
So of course, after going to sleep at 2am last night, I overslept this morning and I missed my 8am class.... again. For probably the 4th time. Again.
It really is unfortunate because I really like that professor and class and he's really funny. Once I get into class, it's not hard to stay awake at all, but getting to class has been a serious issue for me. I'm used to straight 9 30am classes across the board, and those are even challenging for me to get to on time.
It's a shame, but the class has been dropped this morning ): I can't have that nasty participation part of the grade (which is usually my best part, because I talk.. A LOT) bring my grade and GPA down.
Meditating on Scripture?
They say that reading Scripture without meditating on it is like swallowing food without chewing first. However, I am quite terrible at this meditating bit that people so often talk about, so I'm trying something new. I am going to write about the message that the Bible verses are speaking to me, as well as whatever background whatever I use to 'meditate'. Hey, everyone's faith journey is different right?
So here it goes...
Today (or yesterday, depending on how you count your days.. I count a day over when I go to sleep, so February 19 1AM is still the 18th to me) I decided to read the daily Mass readings that pulled from this lovely website. The readings were:
Leviticus 19:1-2, 11-18
Psalm 19:8-10, 15
Matthew 25:31-46
And of course I ended up reading Leviticus 19:3-10 and Psalm 19:11-14 too. So some of the verses I'm reflecting on are included in there too. I'm just going to put the verses that stood out to me and what I thought about them.
The first verse was right at the beginning: Leviticus 19:3 "Revere your mother and father, and keep My Sabbaths. I, the Lord, am your God"
So here it goes...
Today (or yesterday, depending on how you count your days.. I count a day over when I go to sleep, so February 19 1AM is still the 18th to me) I decided to read the daily Mass readings that pulled from this lovely website. The readings were:
Leviticus 19:1-2, 11-18
Psalm 19:8-10, 15
Matthew 25:31-46
And of course I ended up reading Leviticus 19:3-10 and Psalm 19:11-14 too. So some of the verses I'm reflecting on are included in there too. I'm just going to put the verses that stood out to me and what I thought about them.
The first verse was right at the beginning: Leviticus 19:3 "Revere your mother and father, and keep My Sabbaths. I, the Lord, am your God"
This one stood out to me because throughout this chapter, all of the Ten Commandments are mentioned at some point or the other, but these two came first. Also, I think that whenever certain points of the Bible that I am familiar with come up again in other parts, it just pops out to me, kind of like a friendly face in a crowd of strangers. Also, I had a little bit of Catholic guilt in there, because I've been bad about making it to Mass every Sunday over the past couple of months. I think I've probably missed as many as I've gone to and I feel pretty bad about it ): I think I'm back in the groove though; I'm working on it at least/
Verse number two was: Leviticus 19:16 "You shall not go about spreading slander among your kinsmen; nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord"
The first part didn't really strike out to me, it was the second. "Nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake." I interpreted this in both the literal and the figurative state. Earlier today I was doing some stuff and looking a pro-life things, even had a conversation about it with a pro-choice person. Reading this verse really just brought all that back. I can't stand idly when my neighbor's life is at stake. And who is my neighbor? My roommate is. So is the kid down the hall or down the street. So is someone in a neighboring county, city, or state. So are people in Mexico and Canada and Brasil and even Europe and Asia and Africa. Everyone is my neighbor as far as Christ is concerned, because everyone is my brother or sister in Him, even the figurative "Samaritans" that aren't considered to be like me or even have the same beliefs. But that's a really cutesie thing to say, until you realize that the unborn child is also your neighbor. "Nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake." I can't stand by idly while children are being mass murdered every day, by their own parents.
The second way was a lot less drastic. But still, how much does it cost you to help someone else? Make their life a little better? My neighbor is the homeless man who sits at the intersection holding up a sign, and I can't stand by idly while his life is at stake, even if all I can do for him is give him a Chick-fil-A coupon or a dollar. My neighbor is the single mom with 5 kids whom she's struggling to feed. How can I stand by idly while there's legislation popping up to reduce financial aid for these families and take away her children's only means to healthcare, when I'm 18 and able to vote for someone who will help her? That weird kid in class is also my neighbor, and how can I stand by idly when his life is at stake with people making fun of him?
That's just a glimpse into all the thoughts bouncing around in my head about this verse.
Which ties right in with the next verse: Leviticus 19:18 Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself. That's the pinnacle of the Christian faith. It ties right in with everything I said above, but it also surprised me. When I think about God in the Old Testament, I think of a strict Dad with lots of rules and full of fire and brimstone. He's the strict Daddy teaching His kids how to live their lives right, and once we enter the New Testament, He's still the same strict Daddy with the same rules, but now He also shows His loving and compassionate side. But here it is, the number one theme of the New Testament sitting in the third Book of the Old Testament. I didn't even know that was part of OT Doctrine, and I consider myself well-versed in Scripture. I guess it's true when they say you learn something new everyday.
Take no revenge and cherish no grudge. Again with the kindness and compassion. What happened to an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Well, that make the whole world blind and in need of dentures. I think it just goes to show that there is no two Gods, or two different view of God from OT to NT. It's the same God with the same teachings all throughout, it's just us that don't pay attention to all the details, only the ones we want to. God had been teaching these things long before He sent Jesus down to drill it into our heads.
I am the Lord. This phrase is repeated tons of times throughout this chapter and I'm not sure why. Just some food for thought for later...
Those are my thoughts on the first reading for today (the 18th). Maybe I'll do the other two readings tomorrow, or I'll just skip over to tomorrow's readings, but now... It's 2am and I have an 8am class tomorrow.
Good night and God bless
The first part didn't really strike out to me, it was the second. "Nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake." I interpreted this in both the literal and the figurative state. Earlier today I was doing some stuff and looking a pro-life things, even had a conversation about it with a pro-choice person. Reading this verse really just brought all that back. I can't stand idly when my neighbor's life is at stake. And who is my neighbor? My roommate is. So is the kid down the hall or down the street. So is someone in a neighboring county, city, or state. So are people in Mexico and Canada and Brasil and even Europe and Asia and Africa. Everyone is my neighbor as far as Christ is concerned, because everyone is my brother or sister in Him, even the figurative "Samaritans" that aren't considered to be like me or even have the same beliefs. But that's a really cutesie thing to say, until you realize that the unborn child is also your neighbor. "Nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake." I can't stand by idly while children are being mass murdered every day, by their own parents.
The second way was a lot less drastic. But still, how much does it cost you to help someone else? Make their life a little better? My neighbor is the homeless man who sits at the intersection holding up a sign, and I can't stand by idly while his life is at stake, even if all I can do for him is give him a Chick-fil-A coupon or a dollar. My neighbor is the single mom with 5 kids whom she's struggling to feed. How can I stand by idly while there's legislation popping up to reduce financial aid for these families and take away her children's only means to healthcare, when I'm 18 and able to vote for someone who will help her? That weird kid in class is also my neighbor, and how can I stand by idly when his life is at stake with people making fun of him?
That's just a glimpse into all the thoughts bouncing around in my head about this verse.
Which ties right in with the next verse: Leviticus 19:18 Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself. That's the pinnacle of the Christian faith. It ties right in with everything I said above, but it also surprised me. When I think about God in the Old Testament, I think of a strict Dad with lots of rules and full of fire and brimstone. He's the strict Daddy teaching His kids how to live their lives right, and once we enter the New Testament, He's still the same strict Daddy with the same rules, but now He also shows His loving and compassionate side. But here it is, the number one theme of the New Testament sitting in the third Book of the Old Testament. I didn't even know that was part of OT Doctrine, and I consider myself well-versed in Scripture. I guess it's true when they say you learn something new everyday.
Take no revenge and cherish no grudge. Again with the kindness and compassion. What happened to an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Well, that make the whole world blind and in need of dentures. I think it just goes to show that there is no two Gods, or two different view of God from OT to NT. It's the same God with the same teachings all throughout, it's just us that don't pay attention to all the details, only the ones we want to. God had been teaching these things long before He sent Jesus down to drill it into our heads.
I am the Lord. This phrase is repeated tons of times throughout this chapter and I'm not sure why. Just some food for thought for later...
Those are my thoughts on the first reading for today (the 18th). Maybe I'll do the other two readings tomorrow, or I'll just skip over to tomorrow's readings, but now... It's 2am and I have an 8am class tomorrow.
Good night and God bless
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